


Harries

by qlossiers



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Based on Heathers, Heathers References, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qlossiers/pseuds/qlossiers
Summary: "Damn, now my angsty bullshit has a body count"





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a 3 am thought I had last summer.

May 1st, 2018.

Dear Diary,  
I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone but- I look around at these lads I feel like I've known all my life and I ask myself... what happened?

It's like a whirlwind of chaos. Of swear words and swinging bags amongst the threats and shoves that send the smaller of us flying. They don't know yet that to stay alive, you have to stay out of people's way. Like-  
"Oops...."  
Ben Chilwell. Leicester defender. Fourth year with England and eighth year of smacking lunch trays, and being a huge dick.  
"What did you say to me?"  
"Ah, nothing."  
I run out of his way, leaving him flaming with anger. The further you are from Ben the better.

I can feel change in the air, you know. Like something's about to happen and disrupt the space-time continuum. Something catastrophic. Or something beautiful. 

A hand lands on my shoulder, making me yell out in shock. But it's only Eric.  
"Hey, Eric."  
"Hey."  
Eric Dier, my best friend since I got here.  
"We on for movie night?" He asks.  
"Yeah, you bet."  
"We're watching The Princess Bride."  
"Woah, again? Don't you have it memorised by now?"  
A new voice. "Eric Dire-aim! Wide load!" Another smacked tray. James Maddison, Leicester defender. He is the smartest player from Leicester, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.  
"Alright!" He's got a crowd of laughing sycophants now.  
"Hey, pick that up!" I yell.  
"I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?"  
"Yes, I am, and I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're an England has-been waiting to happen; a future Little League coach."  
He gets up in my face, so close that I can smell every note of his cologne. It's expensive. He points at me square in the face.  
"You have a zit right there." Laughter from everyone. It feels like everyone in the world, though there are seven, tops.

May 2nd, 2018

Dear Diary,  
Why do they hate me? Why don't I fight back? Why do I act like such a freak? Why won't he date me? Why did I hit him? Why do I cry myself to sleep? Who can survive this? I can't escape this. Send me a sign, God; give me some hope here, something to live for...

The bustle of sweaty players neatly splits like the Red Sea to reveal three figures in the shadows.

They're the Harries, and they float above it all.

Harry Winks, midfielder. His dad is loaded. Some Spanish fortune.

Harry Maguire, defender. No discernible personality, though his dad gave him a head to fit one.

And, Harry Kane, the almighty.

He is a mythic bitch.

They're solid Teflon: never bothered, never harassed. I would give anything to be like that. And it seems everyone else would, too. I hear snatches of "I love Harry, Harry, and Harry" and "I'd like to be their boyfriend" and "I'd like them to be nicer." Now that would be beautiful.

I know the Harries always show up late to everything, not that anyone dares argue with the likes of them. I know where they'll be.  
"Grow up, Harry, bulimia is so '07."  
"Maybe you should see a doctor, Harry."  
"Yeah, Harry, maybe I should."  
Ahead of me, I see Southgate urgently push his way into the bathroom. I hear him berating them. He's the only one who will speak to them like this.  
"Ah, Harry and Harry."  
Maguire vomits again. It sounds violent.  
"...and Harry. Maybe you didn't hear the bell over all that vomiting? You're late for training."  
"Harry wasn't feeling well. We're helping him."  
Sadly, Southgate is immune to Kane's charms, so he just laughs at him.  
"Not without a hall pass, you're not. Week's detention."  
Detention is just cleaning the training ground after everyone's gone home, something the Harries would not do. So I use my talent to intervene.  
"Uh, actually, Gareth, all four of us are out on a hall pass."  
Gareth takes the four nearly forged passes from my hands and scrutinises them to the point where I'm sure I'm busted. But once again, my forgeries are foolproof.  
"I see you're all listed...hurry up and get where you're going." I can tell he doesn't believe it. But how could he argue? I watch him leave silently, and then I'm alone with the Harries. Maguire has since come out of the bathroom and they're all staring at me. Kane has the passes and he's examining them. Winks tries to look over his shoulder, but he's batted away. Kane moves closer to me. Too close. Not close enough.  
"This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?"  
"Uh, Jesse. Lingard. I crave a boon."  
"What boon?"  
"Let me sit at your lunch table, just once. No talking necessary. If people think you guys tolerate me then they'll leave me alone." The words are just falling out. They laugh at me. "Be often you answer, I also do drug tests, contracts and absence notes."  
Maguire is the first to step forwards. "How about prescriptions?" Kane grand his shoulder and pulls him back sharply.  
"Shut up, Harry," he hisses.  
Maguire hangs his head. "Sorry, Harry."  
They stare at me and I feel so small. Singled out. Targeted even though I got myself in this situation. Kane walks around me like I am an ancient statue.  
"For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure." He glances at Winks, clearly wanting him to say something that agrees with him. He shuffles towards me uncertainly and puts one hand on my shoulder while sliding the side of another down the middle of my face.  
"And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the centre of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important."  
Maguire nods. "Of course, you can stand to lose a few pounds."


	2. Candy Store

Dear Diary,

The change has come, and my God, it's beautiful.

I might be beautiful.

And when you're beautiful, it's a beautiful fucking day.

Walking with the Harries is like walking the red carpet. All of the "out of my way, geek", "I don't want trouble", you're gonna die at 3pm," is replaced with a quiet, unidentifiable voice saying, "who's that with Harry?" The entire team swivels around and a symphony of woah's drowns the air. And it's me they're  looking at.   
Harry, Harry, Harry, and someone. 

Harry, Harry, Harry, and Jesse Lingard.

And what's more beautiful than that?

After training, I find Eric hanging around at the back. He's got his eye on someone else now. He had a thing for Harry Winks for a while, but no one gets with them. I think he likes Dele Alli now. He waits for him for hours at a time. He sees me and smiles, but there's something uncertain about his smile. It doesn't quite go to his eyes. "Hey, Jesse," he says. "I guess you're with the Harries now. That's exciting."  
"Yeah, but it's still me, mate. Don't worry."  
"Yeah," he says, looking off into them distance. I can tell he doesn't like me anymore. He wants to be like this, I know that already. He's just jealous. I see Winks and Maguire approaching me. I know it's them because of Maguire's head. It's quite striking. "Jesse," Winks says, like a news reporter. "Harry's waiting for you in the car park. Right, Harry?"  
"Yeah, Harry. Harry says it's dead important."  
I look at Eric. "Right, well in that case, I should go. Harry, Harry, thanks."  
"No problem, Jesse," they say in perfect unison. I feel Eric's eyes burning into me as I leave. I wonder if I'd made a mistake. But I can't have done! This is the dream!

Winks and Maguire put their arms over my shoulders, either side of me and lead to me to their master. Kane is smiling at me. I don't like his smile. I don't trust it.  
"Jesse, thank God you're here. Dele's having a gaff at his before we go off to Russia. You're coming, right?"  
No one had made me aware of this, naturally. "Oh, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"   
"Good. Well, I need you to do me a favour. Write this in Dele's handwriting." He hands me a piece of yellow paper and a pen. "Bend over, Harry." Maguire does so and I put the paper on his back. Honestly, I wonder how they know which Harry is being addressed. Kane clears his throat and puts on a sickly sweet voice. "Hey, sweetie!" I write down what he says. "I would just love it if you came to my house party tomorrow night. Nine o' clock, baby, I hope to see you. Love, Dele." They laugh among themselves. Weirdly, this forged letter is the way I find out about the party's details. "Alright," Kane says. "I want you to give this to Eric Dire-Aim." Apparently Chilwell's cruel name had caught on.   
"Uh...Harry?"  
"What?" He snaps.  
"I don't- this isn't fair."  
"Excuse me?"  
"We can't do this to him. It isn't fair."  
"Are we gonna have a problem?"  
They're all staring at me: these poisonous little glares that could bore holes into titanium. "You got a bone to pick?" I see people forming a crowd, all ready to see the latest addition to the Round Table getting slaughtered. Winks takes the letter from me and smoothly struts to Eric and somehow slips the note into his notebook without him seeing. I feel so sick. Maguire grabs my shoulders, stopping me from moving. I have to watch Eric find the note. I have to watch him open it. I have to watch his face glow. He thinks Dele cares about him. He thinks Dele loves him.

Eric runs over to me, now released from Maguire's grip but still flanked by the Harries. So I don't run, I guess. "Jesse, look! Dele invited me to his house party! I knew there was still something there...this proves he's been thinking about me." I manage a weak smile.  
"Colour me stoked..."  
"I'm so happy!" He runs away, clutching the letter like a schoolgirl. My head is spinning. I turn to see the maliciously smiling Harries, standing in a line like dolls in a shop window. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"  
"N-no, you were right, Harry."


	3. Fight For Me/ Freeze Your Brain

Dear Diary,

I go to training, avoiding the Harries entirely. I'm expecting them to be ready to beat me up, but instead I am met with the team all yelling "holy shit!" at the tops of their voices. I use what appears to be the one benefit of being with the Harries as John Stones moves out of my way at a speed I wasn't aware people could run. He's scared of me now. In the centre of the circle was the beginnings of a fisticuffs between Chilwell and someone else. 

Why when you see boys fight does it look so horrible, yet feel so...right?

I shouldn't watch this crap: that's not who I am, but with this lad...damn.

Hey, Mr. No-name Kid. So, who might you be, and would you fight for me?

Everyone seems exhilarated by it. Everyone cheering, mostly for Ben, understandably. Most people support the one they think will win. Chilwell takes a hard swing at his opponent, hitting him square in the jaw. Undeterred, he uppercuts Ben, smashing into his chin. Chilwell takes a step back. He goes again with a punch, but instead he receives a sucker punch to the nose. He backs away, holding his nose with both hands. He then reveals it bleeding. There's so, so much blood. The other one leaves without a word.

Well, woah. You can punch real good. You lasted longer than I thought you would...

I see Madderson going to see Chilwell. They're both being massively over dramatic. I imagine Chilwell starting that fight for some stupid reason, like the other player moved his water bottle or something. He can't handle losing either, I've noticed. I'm cornered again at that moment by the Harries. Kane is directly blocking my view. "Did you see that?"  
"Yeah," I said non-committally. "It was totally unexpected."  
"Chilly always wins fights," Winks says adoringly. I know this already. I also know about Winks' raging crush on Chilwell, and that he wouldn't dare get with him because he's scared of Kane. Not that Kane is a threat - he's into Madderson. This all came from Eric, by the way. He does his research. I suppose Winks would rather be in the Harries and hating life than not to be in it at all. Even if that stops him from getting what he actually wants.

Kane drives us to Dele's. He's got a nice car, one people look at and take pictures of. "Harry," Kane asks to no one in particular. "Did you bring a bottle?"  
"Shit!" Winks and Maguire say in unison. Kane sighs.  
"Jesse. Go get us something. Anything."  
I get out of the (still moving) car and run into the 7-11 on the side of the road [just imagine we have them PLEASE] and push into it. It's cold in there, but empty.

I find what I'm looking for, but as I'm about to pay, I'm stopped. It's the one who won the fight. He smiles at me. He has nice teeth. "Jesse, right?"  
"Yeah. Nice job today."  
"Thanks."  
"Didn't catch your name, though."  
"Oh. Marcus. Rashford."  
Marcus Rashford. Even his name sounds nice. "Well, nice to meet you. Don't tell anyone this, but I think that served him right."  
"Why not tell anyone?"  
"Cause Kane'll hit the roof if he finds out I don't agree with everything he says."  
"If you don't like him, why are you mates with him? Cut him out, I'd say."  
"I wouldn't. There's three of them."  
"Fair enough." He takes a long sip from his slushie and puts his palm to his head. "Ah. Brainfreeze."  
"Does your mum know you eat all that crap?"  
"Ha ha. But not anymore."  
"Oh. Sorry."  
"It's fine. My dad's weird, though. I've learned to cook, to pay rent, taxes, all that, 'cause you never know."  
"Never know what?"  
"When the sky falls. Look, you're planning a future, a secure one. But you've got to build yourself some walls because you never know how long it will last."  
"Oh- that's-"  
A car horn, a long one. "JESSE!" It's Kane.  
"Ah. Better go."  
"Going to Dele's?"  
"Yeah. You should come."  
"Wouldn't dare showing my face." This is a good point. I leave, back to the Harries, unable to stop thinking about Marcus Rashford.


	4. Big Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favourite chapter so far! enjoy bay bee

Dear Diary,

The room is dark and loud and it makes my head spin. Everywhere there are people talking, laughing, drinking. I never thought I'd like this sort of scene, but I love it.

Blast the bass, turn out the light, ain't nobody home tonight!

Chilwell appears to have made a speedy recovery and is the star of the show. And scarily close to Winks. Kane is already too drunk to notice, so he may get away with it.

The folks are gone, it's time for big fun. We're up till dawn, having some big fun!

"Okay, okay, okay, so it's salt, and then lime, and then...shot!" I feel like I'm a thousand feet up. It's amazing. Winks puts his hand on my shoulder.  
"No, it's salt then shot-"   
"You're doing it wrong!" Kane is weirdly mad at me for that.  
"Wait, really? 'Cause I feel great!"  
"Lingard?" It's Dele. "You are looking good tonight." Woah. A hot guy smiled at me without a trace of mockery! It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.

Dreams are coming true when people laugh, but not at you, I'm not alone, I'm not afraid: I feel like Bono at Live Aid!

They were right: this actually looks like big fun. Madderson stands up on a table and everyone swings round to look at him: it's hard not to.  
"Alright, people, listen up! What are we gonna do to the Belgians at Sunday's game?"  
Dele joins in with him. "Gonna make them go, 'whee, whee, whee, whee!'"  
Maguire, over in a corner, is clearly not impressed. "Ugh, way to show maturity!" I have to say, I agree with him. I don't know what Eric sees in him. Dele then decides that the best way to react to this is to pull Maguire towards him, nails digging into the back of his head.  
"Quit it, jackass, get off of me!"  
I realise that there is another perk to my new power. "Yo, Del, emergency." He turns to me immediately, which he wouldn't have done this time last week. "I just saw some Under-18's sneaking over the pool fence."  
"I hate Under-18's. Where are you little pricks? I'm coming for you!"

Once he's safely out of the way looking for people who don't exist because he's that thick, I go to Maguire. "Hey, are you okay?"  
"I didn't need your help." He sticks his middle finger in my face.  
"Aw, thanks, Harry, but I don't have to vomit right now."

"Eric Dier in the flesh!"  
"Here comes the cootie squad. We should-"  
"Shut up, Harry!"  
"Sorry, Harry."  
"Look who's with him, oh my god!"  
I hate hearing them talk about me like that. Even Winks joined in. I think he's my favourite, if I had to pick. I reach Eric, who's looking lost and a little bit scared.   
"I can't believe you actually came..." I wish he hadn't because I can see what's coming.  
"It's exciting, right? Oh, I better go say hi to Dele. I brought sparkling cider!"  
As I watch him go, I hear the Harries in the background. It's like my head is full of them and they control me.

"Showing up here took some guts. Time to rip them out."  
"Well, who's this pig remind you of? Especially the snout, ha!"

I start to feel the ground away beneath me. This is wrong. So, so wrong. I don't know what it is they're going to do to Eric but it doesn't sound good. I'll have to step it. What choice do I have?

Eric finds Dele before I can stop him. He's running around the house, desperately confused. "Where the hell are those kids?" He asks no one in particular. Eric makes a bold move in steeping in his way.  
"Hi, Dele. I wasn't going to come, but since you took to time to write that sweet note-" No. Nononononono.  
"What note?" Dele casually asks, taking the bottle from him. "Why'd you have to be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal." He takes a long swig of cider before spitting it in Eric's face. "There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me?"

Everyone is laughing at poor Eric. I hate myself for getting involved in the first place, for writing that note for Kane. My hands wrote that note. I am a despicable human being.

Winks proudly walks into the middle of the room, clutching a pig-shaped piñata. "Are you all ready for the pin-y-aa-taa?" The way he says it goes right through me. I notice, too late, that they've put it in an England shirt featuring the number fifteen. Eric's number. I can't have this. 

I walk straight over to Winks and snatch it away from him. "What the hell, Harry?" I ask, throwing it down to the floor as hard as possible. I can't believe I ever trusted these people, or thought this was where I wanted to be. I stand as close to Winks as possible and hiss right in his face, "Eric Dier was a true friend, and now I've switched him out for crackheads and wankers." And then I turn to leave. The room has gone silent and everyone is staring at me, but frankly I don't care.

I'm right near the door when I'm stopped by Kane. He's seething. Not a good idea, I now realise. "Do you really want to do this?" His tone is horrible - soft and threatening. My breathing gets heavier and heavier.

Then my body decides it has to take control. I go cold and start shaking. Then I promptly vomit all over Kane.

He screams, then slaps me so hard I can't see straight for a moment. He grabs my collar and pulls me in so close I can smell something other than sick. "You watch it, Lingard," he says quietly. "You won't see the sky again come Monday." He throws me down to the floor and marches away triumphantly. I look at the pale, staring faces before running away as fast as I can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr for periodic updates  
> moussasissonko.tumblr.com


	5. Dead Man Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so shit. i tried writing smut and failed.

Dear Diary,

The demon king of England has decreed it. He says, Monday 8am, I will be deleted. They'll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall. Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?

I feel like I thoroughly deserve this. Not for what I did to Kane - I couldn't care less about his feelings - but for what I did to Eric. My head still hurts and I my head is still spacey. 

I'm trying to think about what to do. I'm going out on a high note, I'll tell you. 

I don't have to stay and die like cattle. I could change my name and ride up to Seattle...but I don't own a motorbike - wait - here's an option that I like...

I see Chilwell walking around aimlessly and very, very drunk. "Chilly!" I yell. This is almost too perfect. He looks at me and raises his eyebrows.   
"You're an idiot."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"What do you want?"  
"You know where Rashford lives, right?"  
"Why the hell would I know that?"  
I give him that look that states you know exactly why. He sighs. "Third street to the left. Number eleven. Good luck." And then he's gone. 

I pick up my feet running, smiling to myself despite the night's events.

Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!

I make it to his house and jump over the back fence, not caring who sees me. At this point, I'm dying anyway.

I need it hard, I'm a dead man walking.

I squint in the darkness. He's got crawlers. Perfect.

I'm in your yard, I'm a dead man walking.

I have to be careful. I don't want to explain to Marcus why I'm in his garden at the ungodly hours with several broken bones and blind drunk. I make it to the top nice and quickly.

Before they punch my clock, I'm snapping off your window lock: God knows how to knock, I'm a dead man walking!

I push the window open and step into his room. It's messy, as expected. He's sleeping but not very deeply, so he wakes up to the sound of my feet on the floorboards.  
"Jesse? What are you doing in my room?"  
I press my finger to his lips. "Shh... Sorry, but I really have to wake you." He looks at me weirdly. I was slightly irritated he didn't get it. "See, I decided I must ride you till I break you-" He gets up suddenly. He looks scared. Shit. He's got the wrong idea already. "Cause Harry says I've got to go, you're my last meal on death row..."

It was unbelievably awkward. I don't know what's wrong with me. But waking up in his arms makes it worth it. I sigh. 

"Well," I say. "You were my first one." He laughs nervously. I start to leave, but he stops me.   
"You have to apologise to Harry."  
"What?"  
"You don't want to actually die, right?"  
"I didn't think he would actually-"  
"Oh, he will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @moussasissonko


	6. The Me Inside of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: if you like Kane, tread lightly.

Dear Diary,

I go with Marcus in the end. I can't face Kane alone. I doubt anyone can. Maybe that's why Winks and Maguire always go around together.

Kane opens the door very quickly. "Well?"  
"I want to apologise."  
"Come in, then."  
His house is absolutely massive. I almost get lost even though I'm following Kane. We get to his room and he sits on his silk sheets while Marcus awkwardly stands at the door.  
"So you want my forgiveness?"  
"Yeah, Harry, I-"  
"Beg, then."  
"Harry-"  
He laughs horribly. "Do you think I'm joking? No. Get down on your knees and beg for it."  
I kneel down before him. This feels so stupid, but I am not making the same mistake twice. "Harry, please, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-"  
"I know. But I'm feeling so hungover right now. Go make me something."  
"Right, okay."

Marcus and I go to his massive kitchen. It all seems so silly, but I have no other choice. I pick up a mug.   
"Okay," I say. "So it's, like, hot sauce, and-"  
"Or this," Marcus says, holding up a green bottle and pouring its contents into another mug.  
"Drain cleaner?"  
"Yep. Put in here and he'll never notice."  
"And if he does?"  
"Good point." He puts the cup down.   
"Jesse!" It's Kane. God, he's impatient. I pick up the cup and go back to his room. "Evening," he says when I come in. I hand him the cup and watch him drink it.

He does it slowly, dramatically. His face starts to go a strange colour. I go through all the ingredients I put in there, if he's got any allergies or- too late. He grips hold of his throat and falls down onto the glass table, smashing it into a million pieces.

I can't move. I must have picked up the wrong one. One tiny mistake that led to this. "Oh, my god," I whisper. "I just killed my best friend." I stare it him for a moment, his blue lips and pale skin with the veins in his neck bright blue and red. The drain cleaner he drank, trusting me, spills out onto the carpet. Marcus breaks my silence.  
"No, you didn't."  
"What's that supposed to mean? He's clearly dead."  
"No, he killed himself. Or at least that's how it'll look."  
"Marcus."  
"Come on, everyone knows about your forgeries. Why can't you write a fake suicide note?"  
"Because he didn't commit suicide!"  
"Dele didn't invite Eric to his party."   
I'm about to object, but then I realise that he's right. Faking a suicide will get me out of trouble, and it's not exactly like anyone will miss him.  
"Alright. What do I write?"  
"Think long and hard. Conjure him up in your mind. What would he say? What's your final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?"  
I take a deep breath and talk as I write.  
"Dear world. Believe it or not, I knew about fear, I knew that way loneliness stung... I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes... I learned to kiss girls with my tongue." If I hadn't just killed someone, this would make me laugh.  
"That's good." Marcus looks deep in thought.  
"But the world, it held me down. Uh, it weighed like a... concrete prom queen crown."  
It's becoming so real. It's almost as if Kane has sat up and is telling what to write. I'm still shaking and forging Kane's neat script was proving difficult.  
"No one thinks a captain can have feelings. No one gets his insecurities. I am more than shiny boots and statistics... no one sees the me inside of me."

I wonder what Kane would think if he knew about this. He'd probably punch me in the nose and say something like, Jesus, you're making me sound like air supply. As weird as it sounds, I feel a bit sad that he's gone. Defeating the villain should be a satisfying victory, but somehow it's not. My stomach is full of knots. Marcus nods approvingly.  
"Keep going," he says. "This has to be good enough to fool the police."

It takes them days to find him. We can't say anything because the police would want to know why we could see him upstairs. But when they do, the 'suicide' of Harry Kane comes as a shock to everyone, not least himself. And every single person falls for it.

At training, there are a lot of quiet conversations and shuffling feet. Most think it's their fault, that they pushed him over the edge. Apart from Maguire. He's got Kane's captain band and appears to have claimed it. I can hear the coaches over everyone. They don't comply to the 'keep your opinions to yourself' rule.

"Harry Kane's is not your every day suicide. You should cancel matches."  
"No way. I send these lads home and havoc wreaks on the city."  
Southgate stands up and that moment, frustrated. "Our players are dying! I say we all gather together and just talk and feel."  
"Thank you, Gareth. Let me know when the shuttle lands." Laughter.  
"I tell you, we all misjudged Harry Kane." Southgate sounds close to tears, a definite first. "This is the loveliest suicide note I've ever read."  
Because of all the other suicide notes he's read, of course. I feel a bit proud, to be honest. He starts reading out the part of the note Marcus got me to put in.  
"Box up my clothing for Goodwill, and give the poor my Nordic track. Donate my car to crippled kids, or to those ghetto mums on crack. Give them my hats and my CD's, my kits, my boots, my three TV's."   
Southgate likes this note so much, I almost want to tell him I wrote it.

He gets us all together in the changing rooms for the aforementioned feeling. He hands out copies of the note to everyone 'so we can all feel Harry's anger'. It's like a cult, or AA meeting. People say things, and Southgate encourages everyone by yelling 'feel!' between statements.  
"I never knew about his pain."  
"His life had hit a rocky patch."  
"Deep down, he wasn't cruel or vain."  
"He didn't mean to be a snatch!"

I find myself laughing, which I quickly turn to crying to avoid suspicion. Sadly, this only draws attention to me.   
"Jesse, you've been awfully quiet. What's on your mind?"  
"Uh...maybe Harry felt that in order to be happy, he had to give up his power, and that the only way to do that was death."  
"My God!" Considering our captain just died, Southgate seems excited. "Look what we've done! We're breaking through! Harry would be so proud of you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @moussasissonko


End file.
